


If You Hadn't Found Me (Sitting All Alone in the Dark)

by tomfoolery14



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 17:57:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17965376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomfoolery14/pseuds/tomfoolery14
Summary: A cup of tea a night brings the good things to light





	If You Hadn't Found Me (Sitting All Alone in the Dark)

**Author's Note:**

> set somewhere between 2x08 and 2x09

“What kind of tea would you like?” Magnus asked over the soft whistling of the kettle on the stove, extracting the container of tea from the cabinet.

Leaning over the breakfast bar, Alec rifled through the different tea bags until he found what he was looking for. “I think I’ll have chamomile tonight.”

“Mm, that sounds good; I’ll do the same.”

Tea before bed had become an important part of the nighttime routine at Magnus’—a hot mug of tea, maybe some TV or reading, showering off the grime of the day, and crawling into bed beneath clean sheets to share meandering conversation until they dropped off to sleep. Some days, it was what Alec looked forward to most of all.

That hadn’t always been the case, though; he used to dread the moment day bled into night and he became left to his own devices. The darkest corners of his mind were most active during the nighttime, and he was particularly vulnerable to them when he was tired and alone.

The temptation to fill the void with self-destructive behaviors was sometimes too much to resist, and he would sneak into the training room, conveniently forget to wrap his hands, and spend hours on the punching bag. His knuckles would split and bleed on the fabric only to be smudged inelegantly by the force of collision. It was better to use his time productively than to lie awake and agonize, he told himself with each new self-inflicted injury. When his hands were so bruised and sore that he could hardly flex his fingers, he would stop, but refused to activate his iratze.

He used to need the dull ache in order to fall asleep. Maybe he would use a healing rune in the morning, but something inside of him settled when he had an undercurrent of pain. In a sick way, it acted as an anchor that kept him from completely disappearing. Spending so many years putting on a mask and tactfully hiding himself behind shades of truth that weren’t quite lies made him feel like he was a paling shade of himself that grew fainter every day. The scars on his knuckles and ever-present bruising made him feel alive.

And then, Magnus came along.

The first night Alec spent in his bed, ensconced in the warmth of Magnus’ body heat and golden sheets, he felt a stillness inside that he’d never known. The natural disaster that he had felt brewing in his blood was dying down, and though it wasn’t extinguished, it was going to let him rest. Magnus’ palm lying relaxed against his chest, just over his heart, was his new anchor. He’d spent so long searching for solace in pain and destruction, only to find it in the place it that was furthest from there.

They built their routine together, one evening at a time, until it became as natural as anything.

Magnus carefully poured the hot water into both of their mugs, then put a small spoon in each one. He never used his magic for this—the pleasant monotony of doing each aspect by hand was what made it a calming task for the both of them.

“Can we sit out on the balcony?” Alec asked, shallowly dunking his teabag into the water as it turned to delicate amber.

“Of course we can,” Magnus smiled, scooping up his own mug and following Alec to the balcony doors that he shouldered open.

Making his way to the love seat, Alec set his mug on the end table to unfold the blanket they kept draped over the back. It was the softest thing he’d ever touched, and he was glad the autumn air was crisp and cool enough to warrant using it.

Magnus swept his palm across the candles surrounding them, lighting each wick, before settling in beside him. “A little ambiance, hmm?”

The little couch was made to fit two people but given the fact that both men were tall and broad with long legs, they had to sit particularly close.  

Alec shifted against Magnus until he was settled under his arm. “Did I ever tell you how much I love this?”

“What’s that, angel?” Magnus carded his fingers through the soft hair at the back of Alec’s head, scratching affectionately with blunt nails.

“Doing this, having a routine—a life—together.” Alec had told Magnus about the way things used to be—it wasn’t like he could hide the scars, a few shades lighter than his ivory skin, and the adjustment period had been rather obvious when he started spending his nights at the loft. Nonetheless, he had never thanked Magnus up front for this extraordinary new life he’d gifted him. “I never knew that I could have anything like this. And I’ve never told you how much that means to me. Thank you for everything you’ve given to me. ”

Magnus hummed softly, pulling Alec closer against him. “That’s not something you have to thank me for. I know that’s just who you are, but it’s important that you understand that you deserve to have the kind of life that you want, and you always have.”

“I’m starting to believe that,” Alec hedged, watching the tendrils of steam emanating from his drink. “I’ve been getting better ever since I met you. I’ve been learning who I am and what I want, but at the center of it is you and what we have.”

The glow of the street lamps caught on Magnus’ rings as he reached over to grasp Alec’s hand tightly in his. “You have me, Alexander, and it’s extraordinary for me to watch you become who you really are. And I feel fortunate for every little twist of fate that intertwined our lives.” Lifting Alec’s hand to his mouth, Magnus brushed his soft lips along the small, puckered scars before pressing precise kisses to each one.

Before him, nothing as tender as a kiss had ever touched Alec’s ravaged skin; he wasn’t sure how long it would take for him to be used to that kind of care. It still sent a shiver down his spine and electricity through his bloodstream.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on [tumblr](http://royaltybane.tumblr.com)


End file.
